Like, a Courtney Vs Hannah thing

Like, you know what freaks me out?

Fat people.

And, like, you know what?

Hannah is, like, so fat.

EWWW!! Like, GROSS much!

I, like, told her to stay away from the coconut-coated wafer chocolates and banana-coated marshmallow biscuits, but nooooo! Did she listen to me? Nooo. "You're just a figment of my imagination," she says. "I can eat whatever I want to eat whenever I want to eat!" she says.

Well, "figment" (whatever that means) my posh, better-looking-in-hot-jeans butt!

Like, omg. Now she is all moany and snippy and... like, eww, that is just SO degrading! I told her not to eat too much. I TOLD her to go on diet! I TOLD her to buy that diamond-studded wristwatch from Rolex which, like, only costs 5k.

...But DID she listen?!

God, no!

She is, like, omg -- SUCH a b*tch!

And I don't mean those really cute, really rich pedigree bitches; I mean those ugly, lice-ridden, mongrels you see on the streets -- EWW.

But anyways!

I was just, like, thinking to myself (Hannah: Bloody hell, lady. You THINK?!) how nice it would be if somehow Hannah and I, like, so totally did not share the same body. I mean, Hannah's all fat and ugly and stuff; and she, like, wears the ugliest outfits; and she, like, hangs out in places like Kinokuniya (which is so NOT a cool place -- its like a book shop. Which is, like, believe it or not, a shop that sells, "BOOKS".) and she has AWFUL taste in food (like, EW! French-fries and vanilla ice-cream!? How, FAT!).

I mean, you can SO tell that if I had my own body, I would SO not abuse it.

I'll have it go through regular diets, give it a good manicure, perm its blond hair, dress it in the latest couture trends, have it eat only the best food specially imported from Paris, and, like, keep it away from places that sell books.

It is SUCH a pity how some people can have something and treat it so horribly. I mean, SERIOUSLY. If I had a body, you can like SO imagine it to be a really hot one!

Like, Fergie.

...but definitely hotter, since she's, like, gross, and stuff.